One mistake in a subtle way

What the hell I am doing with my life?
People like to get high, like to get messed up on different shit
But keeping it real will always be good and nice for a lost soul,
Alcohol.

While happiness is best known and acknowledged after it is lost
And such a moment is never desired.
It has been lived before and such moments will not be appreciated
Until lost.

I love alcohol. I always did. I'll always will. Nothing will stop my relationship to it.
But for every glass, for every shot, for every beer
There's a consequence
Which I refuse to recognize.

I'll always miss Christmas in both '05 and '07
But mostly '07 and the never-to-be-forgotten-feelings
And the cozy feeling from such a time
God, if only there was a way to bring all back, NOW!

That's why giving to charity, Secret Santa and other people has turned into a yearly habit
Something to just simulate such a pure and unaltered moment
Which I have been longing for so long..

This is the time that we let it go
This is the pain we are forced to know
Singing the song that's inside, inside us all, inside us all

A paradise

With everything going to shit so quickly
One song is stuck in the mind

A paradise

Noctua lost

The soul sucking past has been left
The promised future has been started
But why does it all feel wrong?

Changing the scenery promised better times and feelings
But relegating from a leader to your average Joe
Albeit a desired wish for so long
Why does it feel so wrong?

The uncertainty, the lack of knowledge, the confusion
Missing all the familiar scenes and people
Inside jokes and sayings
Why does it feel so wrong to not have them anymore?

Everything I wished for when I was 23 has been achieved
Wishes started from that one dreadful night
Yet it feels like something is missing,
Like that one final piece of the puzzle.

But what is the final piece of the puzzle?

Confusion is the word and there's no end in sight
Where are we to go from here? To whom? To what? Why keep going forward?
Why go downtown to get drunk? Why leave the house anyway?

Putting more makeup on the masks that we wear
Turning our nightlights on in the daytime to scare

The belief factor

"Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
These days my life, I feel it has no purpose
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface"

2 years of growing, believing and ultimately,
Darkness
2 years of rising from your average Joe to a Lead
But at what enormous cost?

Now the tides have turned
The darkness that has consumed every bit of my personality
Due to the lack of free time or anything because of this hell hole
Is about to get pushed back

One more step remains to a new and different tomorrow
For a brighter future, for a better place
One more step

And I could punch the clock but not lose my soul in between
In this improved tomorrow

"And there's no end in sight
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights"

Cough Syrup

As I climb the corporate ladder
Leading now a full team and carrying enough responsibility
For every sunken beer, for every lost night
For every stupid gossip heard, for every hour lost there

The closer chaos looms over it all
While bolstering a powerful, all present sound that's not going away
But only grows stronger as time flies

Like a ship violently cradled through a storm
That's how the chaos is taking its toll
And the noise is now unbearable

Nowhere to turn for a steady place
It's only me and the pending downfall

Just hope that the growing darkness
Will have mercy

"I don't ever wanna be here
Like punching in a dream breathing life into my nightmare"