Monsters

All the anger, all the rage
The hate, the bad vibes
The fuel of my core
Anger

Last year I was drifting towards Nowhereville, population me
Endless nights of drinking, endless nights of internal bleeding
Endless nights of fights, endless nights of anger fueled decisions
Endless nights of drifting, endless nights of hopelessness and desperation

All those years of doing nothing
No primary target, no desire, no drive
Just clinging to the past and hoping for a future built on yesterday's failures

A sad existence
Lived and partially created by one person
While holding on another sad person

A sad situation

Till that one night
The night I held that knife
The night I jumped in front of that car
The night I collapsed from the continuous heavy drinking
The night I burned it all to hell
The night I thought everything was done
Together with me and all of it

All my good intentions suddenly turned into soul crushing hate feelings
A burning feeling that ruined almost everything
The night that could've changed my life
In the worst possible scenario
Failure, prison, death

But like a cleansing fire
It restored balance
Not hope, not happiness
But balance

And one day everything changed
And one summer I grew up
And one summer a life was built
While the other was on pause

And one cold but bitterly sweet autumn
The other life was brought back to life

One year later

A promising job
A stable relationship
A variety of new skills
A sense of responsability
A strong drive
A pledge to live healthy
A pledge to get big
A determination to never fail

The envisioned future I always dreamed about
But in the wrong circumstances
Until the present

No more heavy drinking, no more hate filled days
No more endless drifting, no more chain smoking
No more having the feeling of losing my breath
No more night time confusion and destruction

I'm happy

And as much as I hated you
I wish you'll be happy too
Even if it's better not to ever see you again

One point in your life, you have what you want
Or the reason why you don't