The many, the few

Years have passed

Youth is now in the rear view mirror

Yet the darkness never went away.

 

Something is and will forever be broken in his mind

Everything besides specialized help only dissipated the darkness for a little while

And now with huge responsibilities at hand

The everlasting descent to chaos has accelerated.

The sole question repeating itself over and over again is why me?

People like us should never be loved nor cared for

Or they should live only with like-minded people.

 

I want God to come and take me home
'Cause I'm all alone in this crowd
Who are you to me? Who am I supposed to be?

***

You hear your mother screaming
You hear your daddy shout

That you don't deserve love

***

No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away

What Makes a Man 2012/2019

Two years have passed since the last words
Remember 10 years ago? How one could not imagine life without you?
How one was so absorbed that marriage seemed feasible and the only option?
How until death tears us apart weren't just words?

10 years forward, believe me
Not easy, not simple
Diagnosis, cancer, death
Sudden growing up.

How scared I was in the past
Yet, unbeknownst to me, faith was completed
How I never considered myself good enough for anything or anyone
But the circle is now complete.

The pending marriage proposal
The glowing feeling of having children with her
The idea of growing old together.

Always a one trick pony, a hidden wreckage and depressed shell
But a desire to prove naysayers wrong.

I love you
You aren't perfect but neither am I
Let's be flawed together.

You have to go and now I found it in a drawer
Can't go on, no I'll go on

Born and Raised

New Disorder, Electric Castle, Dorna, Summer Well, Smida, Warsaw, the sea
All these peculiar places and feelings, new kisses and rooms
Stress induced weight loss, saturation of the corporate well, endless soul wandering
Loss of belief in chance and faith.

The sound of settling and maturing boomed
Shrieking has adulthood crept upon oneself
But the kerfuffle has grown too strong
To make a choice, an utter unshakeable decision.

I am here. But I'm never really there. And I will never be whole in one place alone.

I've lost all direction
I've lost all my direction
And now I wish, that I would have believed
Could have believed

New Disorder 2000 - Part Two - Golden Age

Golden Age; plural noun: golden ages
an idyllic, often imaginary past time of peace, prosperity, and happiness.

General wellness and satisfaction has touched and influenced every major civilization,
Every city state,
Any tribe throughout human history,
Each individual that has ever roamed the face of the Earth.

When something comes along and flips your world upside down
And while your world is perfectly fine
It seems that this flip can and has caused a rapture in said world.

A random encounter that has evolved
Into something that can make one dance like an idiot
And feel #noshame about it
But one that can also bring down all known Universe build in the last few years.

And every time I let you leave
I always saw you coming back to me

New Disorder 2000

From that earth shattering night
Almost five years ago.

The balance in human interactions had shifted
And that the inner demon that plagues every male being
Was and is so much awake in him.

All the random meet-ups, all the scents, all the foreign rooms, the new bodies
The dancing, the talking, the getting to know
The kiss that sealed the deal,

Were never enough and they will never be
As the soul will forever roam thinking if this is the right choice
Since it grows tired of the same perfume
And will forever seek a new one.

If I was scared
I would
And if I was pure
You know I would
And if I was yours
But I'm not

SQA Mid

As the corporate life takes over
As the promotion wishes come true
As the idea to sustain a higher standard of living
As life swirls around deadlines and paychecks
Is this it? Is all the struggle down to only this?

Youth is fading away.
No matter the money or what they can buy
Youth is going away
And whatever half-decisions are made
It's not bringing it back.

If only the boxes of DCs were delivered a bit later
Perhaps 5 years later
The possibilities?
Endless.

Naked we come, naked we leave
Fools we are, to hold tightly

4th floor

This song, on repeat
For a week continuously

I hear your voice and it seems
As if it was all a dream
I wish it was all a dream

But the Czech Republic was not a dream
Nor your voice, the chair in front of me...